Alien Thoughts
by Sleather Chonkers
Summary: Catalina and Suzee are more alike then most people think.


Alien Thoughts.

By Heather Lawson.

A/N Disclaimer, I don't own space cases blah.

Unedited so most likely has mistakes, smile and think about kitties.

This is my first Space cases fanfic and I wrote it after feeling a need to write it I suppose, I hope you all enjoy it.

The thing about humans such as Harland Band, Miss Davenport and Commander Goddard was the fact there wasn't one trait that defined their entire race.

They weren't plagued with inner insecurities like Suzee (who would never ever admit it) nor were they overly optimistic or pessimistic like our favorite odd couple Rosie and Bova.

Perhaps if they had actually been introspective they would have wondered why different planets seemed to be defined by personality traits.

After all human beings weren't defined by being one particular emotion, they were jumbled and mixed up capable of feeling everything and nothing.

But they never thought about such things, in many ways humans were so simple.

Catalina thought about it all the time, even though she never spoke to her fellow crew anymore.

She thought about it while lying in the bed, which belonged to Suzee, in the house that belonged to her best friends family.

She thought about it when she watched her best friend flirt with nearly every male on board the ship, well not every male, deferentially not Bova.

Suzee never showed the slightest interest him, which surprised Catalina because they both had the same cynical nature.

But most of all she thought about it when she saw the way Harlan looked at Suzee in a way he had never looked at her or Rosie, humans really were rather odd when you got right down to it.

And that was the thing that made her think most of all, what when you got right down to it made her so different from people like Harlan Band or Seth Goddard or even to some extent Ms Davenport?

Well in theory she did have the sonar blasts, and the multicolored hair but other then that as far as she knew Saturians unlike the other aliens in the galaxy were not defined by one particular personality trait.

Catalina knew she wasn't, she was far more complicated then optimism, extreme intelligence, depression, or humility.

"Suzee" she asked one night once she knew that Rosie was asleep, well it was day on Yenslid but it was always difficult telling the difference what with seeing two dimensions at once.

"Cat I need to sleep" was her grouchy quick reply.

"I'll let you sleep in a minute," Catalina pleaded leaning forwards.

"Hmm" Suzee replied yawning loudly as she turned in her bunk bed.

"If you could define your race with one characteristic what would it be?" Catalina asked curiously cocking her head to one side.

"Hmm intelligence of course, every one knows that Yenslidian's are all geniuses compared to other races" Suzee replied arrogantly.

"So does that mean you define yourself by how smart you are? You're a Yenslid so you must be a braniac?" Catalina persisted and she could feel Suzee mentally frown.

"Why are you asking me this?" she asked quickly.

"I'm just curious and you didn't answer my question" Catalina snapped back.

"Well of course I'd define myself that way, my brains my best asset" Suzee snapped a little too quickly.

" Thats funny it's not your brain you've been throwing at Radu and Harlan" Catalina smirked and Suzee sat upright pursing her lips together with annoyance.

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're saying" the Yenslidian muttered resentfully hugging her blankets to her chest.

"Ok I have another question, how would you describe me?" Catalina asked and Suzee rolled her eyes.

"You're not going through another introspective phase are you? Like the time you met that knight guy and spent days raving on about dreams?" Suzee asked sarcastically.

"He's name was Drell, and this is different" Catalina frowned.

"Fine you're impatient, crazy, smart, confident, sassy and annoying" Suzee sang in a singsong voice rolling her eyes theatrically and Rosie muttered something in her sleep.

"Now will you shut up? You'll make me wake up Rosie" Suzee snapped throwing her pillow strait through Catalina's shimmering form.

And for once Catalina did shut up, she was far to busy thinking.

The thing about life was as much as you hated to admit it absence did not make the heart grow fonder.

Catalina had come to this conclusion as she and Suzee's father returned from the capital cities university.

He was associate Professor in alien physiology and for the past few weeks he'd been delivering lectures on Catalina based on the thesis he'd spent year writing.

Although Catalina really was great full for her best friends families hospitality she wasn't exactly sure what to make of the university.

They were never actually cruel to her, as far as she knew they hadn't removed any organs to perform sinister tests upon, but their reactions to the way she behaved seemed on the peculiar side.

Today for example they finally stopped asking her to perform her sonic screams and had gotten down to asking her questions, which Catalina suspected were psychological.

"How far would you go to win a converted prize? Would you betray some one else's trust to gain it?" they had asked.

"No of course not, well not consciously" she explained and their eyes glowed briefly in the lecture theater.

"Fascinating specimen" she had heard one of them mutter.

"Do you ever feel superior to other beings?" another asked and Catalina thought briefly of Harlan.

"Sometimes if they're acting like a moron, but sometimes I don't"

"You mean your opinion of some one can change? You can see yourself as superior, inferior and equal?" the student asked again and Catalina frowned.

"I can feel like that about anyone I guess, it depends really," Catalina admitted reluctantly.

"Fascinating" they all, chorused.

"Finally if you could be a tree in a wood what kind of tree would you be?" the first student asked.

"A tree? Are they those funny earth things with the green stuff on top?" she asked curiously.

"You mean you don't know what a tree is?" they had asked her with disbelief.

Catalina had tried to explain of course, everything she had learned about biology she had seen across a computer screen or once or twice in green houses while touring the star academy.

Titan wasn't exactly the right sort of environment for plant life, it was far too artificial and the lack of natural sunlight proved to be a problem.

"They just don't know what to make of you" Suzee had told her reassuringly as Catalina walked home from the university.

"I'm not even sure of what to make of me," Catalina said surely crossing her arms.

"Before my mother died she once told me that all Saturian girls feel like this before they become women, I just never really thought it would happen on an alien planet" Catalina grumbled half heartily and Suzee who was in the middle of working on the engine rooms console perked up briefly with interest.

You hardly ever mention your mother and you never said that she said that"

"You never asked" Catalina pointed out, Suzee supposed that was true it wasn't as if she was insensitive she had just never been taught how to be sensitive.

"What did she mean when she said that though? What exactly are you going through?" Suzee asked again almost curious.

To her Catalina still looked the same, see through and vaguely blue.

"I don't know I used to know exactly who I was, I was the crazy Saturian rainbow head with the invisible best friend who every one else made fun of, I was used to having to be you know" Catalina began and Suzee almost smiled.

"Yeah I know, strong" she replied.

"And now it's like I don't have that anymore, I don't have a reason to be strong anymore" Catalina added and Suzee snorted.

"You don't need a reason to be strong minded Cat, you do it because thats what you are" Suzee said in a distracted tone of voice and then she laughed.

"Besides we both have a reason to be strong, we're both trapped in dimensions we don't belong in" she added with bitter undertones and Catalina stopped standing underneath an artificial streetlight.

"It didn't have to end up like this," she pointed out.

"Yes it did" Suzee replied.

"I feel as if everything is my fault you know, if it wasn't for me you'd be home" Catalina replied tiredly.

"If it wasn't for me you'd be dead" Suzee pointed out.

And Catalina shivered as she recalled her skin beginning to redden as the brilliant white light burst into her skull followed by the tinkling purple aura and then those warm arms pulling her into the light.

It was the first time Suzee had ever physically touched her; it had also been the last time.

"You should throw that purse away Cat, its so tacky and disgusting" Suzee said interrupting the silence with a shudder.

"I have to keep it, its a war trophy" Catalina smirked relieved that the mood was lightening, her purse was made out of pure green spung scales and was the only one of it's kind in Suzee's dimension.

One of Suzee's mothers friends who was a clothing designer had taken great interest in the fabric and had wanted to use cloning in order to replicate the skin, it had taken over and hour to convince the designer that cloning warlord shank was an incredibly foolish move.

But some how he'd managed to get a skin sample and he'd spent months developing synthetic spung skin, Catalina was relieved to find out after a few sleepless nights that he'd only been replicating the skin cells and hadn't actually gotten around to cloning an entire sentient creature.

Now every teenage girl on Yenslid had their very own spung purse and some had gone so far to make matching jackets, Catalina had briefly gone mad with power after the girls at Zoë's school had realised she'd started the trend until Suzee told her quite sharply to get over it.

"But they're so trendy I mean honestly Cat, where's your individuality?" Suzee asked scornfully.

"Oh you're just jealous because you have to walk around in a uniform all day every day instead of being able to wear your extensive designer wardrobe" Catalina giggled.

"Which you stole as soon as you entered my world" Suzee said scornfully.

"I didn't steal your clothes your mother gave them to me, besides it's not like they fit you any more" Catalina replied.

"How would you know you can only see my psychic projection, it's not like you can tell when I've gained weight or height" Suzee pointed out rationally.

"Unless it's really obvious," Catalina teased.

"Obvious?" Suzee asked her voice briefly panicked.

"Hmm" Catalina smirked leaning against the light pole.

"I'm not fat am I? Why wouldn't any one tell me?" Suzee cried.

"Calm down you're not fat at all Suzee, I was messing with you" Catalina said rolling her eyes and Catalina heard a faint hissing sound, for a fraction of a second she was convinced some one was following her but then she realised it was just the inrush of air from the jump tubes as some one entered the engine room.

Suzee's aura immediately shimmered with panic, it seemed she was always worried of being "caught out" when she spoke to Catalina.

But it was just Harlan, Catalina could see him like a shadow painted lightly across her own world.

It was weird seeing the friends she'd once known across dimensions, sort of like watching a hologram film, she remembered she used to yell at them all the time when ever they did something she didn't approve of.

"Messing with the engines again, don't you have better things to do with your time?" Harlan asked Suzee and it was obvious from the smirk on his face that he had a few ideas on what Suzee should be doing.

Suzee to her credit didn't respond to his flirting, she was far to busy trying to avoid making eye contact with Catalina.

"You here for a reason Harlan or are just trying to get me in a bad mood?" Suzee replied impatiently.

"Oh come on Suzee don't be like that, not after what we shared," he said with another knowing smirk.

Catalina was now circling the once object of her affections her feet still firmly planted on the footpath of Suzee's world.

His hair was still in those silly braids, she wasn't sure if she approved of them, there was some sort of scar on his neck that she knew she hadn't seen before.

"Shared, what did you two share?" Catalina asked curiously pulling faces behind Harlan's back and Suzee finally made eye contact.

Harlan nervously glanced over his shoulder but of course he couldn't see Catalina, no one on the Christa could see Catalina.

"We didn't share anything Harlan" Suzee merely said stiffly carefully answering Catalina's question.

"Oh so that kiss was nothing to you?" he asked carefully and Catalina paused in the middle of pulling a new face a puzzled expression on her face.

"Kiss?" she asked and for a second her usually so composed best friend looked like she was about to start panicking.

"It's not what you think at all," she pleaded.

"Wait how do you know I'm thinking anything?" Harlan asked.

"You kissed him?" Catalina asked sceptically.

"It was months ago and it was a just narrowly avoided death and I'm still charged on andreligene kiss, I kissed Radu as well, it didn't mean anything" Suzee said to her but it was obvious that Harlan thought the comment was directed to him.

"I don't remember that happening" Catalina shot back her eyes narrowing with distrust.

"You were asleep, it was the middle of the night after all" Suzee pointed out.

"No I'm pretty sure I was wide awake Suz" Harlan pointed out.

"I can't believe you" Catalina cried preparing herself to completely screen Suzee out.

"It meant nothing," Suzee pleaded.

It was the tone of voice Catalina rarely heard, Suzee was asking for something she knew she didn't deserve and it was killing her.

Forgiveness.

"Oh so it was nothing to you?" Harlan asked and Catalina realised he was hurt.

"Oh great Suzee, you're so completely selfish I hope you realise! Not only have you hurt me you've also hurt Harlan" Catalina snapped furiously and Suzee frowned with confusion.

"I thought you wanted" she began and Catalina rolled her eyes with a mixture of sadness and fury.

"You never asked me what you wanted, instead you hid this from me because in your mind you know you did something wrong" Catalina cried and she tried to calm herself collecting her thoughts.

"I'm not completely stupid Suzee, I liked Harlan and maybe yes I wanted to be his girlfriend some day but I've been trapped in another dimension for over a year now with no hope of ever getting home, I don't expect Harlan to wait for me and I bet he doesn't expect me to wait for him" Catalina whispered and Suzee still stared at her with that look she only had when she was trying to figure out some sort of experiment.

"But that's what makes you different from me, isn't it? Harlan cares for you but you don't care for him at all" Catalina suddenly realised and Suzee visibly flinched the way she always did when Catalina said unpleasant truths.

"It was just a game to you, you knew how we felt about each other and yet you still played it all as if it was a game," she said shaking her head.

For the first time in her life Catalina felt something, which was beyond the admiration, respect, anger, and love she normally felt for her best friend.

Disgust.

Harlan was still starring at Suzee waiting for her to answer his question and Suzee sighed her eyes meeting Catalina's.

"You're right Catalina I am selfish" she admitted and Catalina saw the surprised look on Harlan's face.

"Cat's back, you just spoke to her," he whispered and Suzee sighed with annoyance turning back to the engine parts.

"Yeah I did Band, got anything to say to her?" Suzee asked wearily as if defeated, and Harlan seemed to be on the verge of replying.

And then it happened, for a fraction of a second Catalina swore she could see his eyes meet hers, and that he could see her.

Really see her.

Her breathing had stopped as they continued to look into each others eyes, but then his eyes swept past hers again and she realised he was staring at something else entirely.

And that was when she understood what she was, what her mother had meant when she said that all Saturian woman changed when they became adults.

Being a woman meant moving on, and being a Saturian meant being strong.

Catalina turned to Suzee, the disgust was still there but it was faint now, replaced by weary resolve.

"Suzee" she began and her best friend's eyes rolled towards her.

"I can't stop you from doing what you want to do, I've never been able to, but I cant stand around and watch either" she admitted.

"You're listening to her aren't you? What's she saying?" Harlan demanded to know and Suzee eyes darted towards Catalina quickly.

Sometimes Catalina fantasised about her old crew mates being to see her or hear her, she wished Radu's super sensitive ears could hear across worlds, she'd wish Rosie would smile at her the cheerful way she always did.

She'd even take Ms Davenports firm scary scowl.

But most of the time she fantasised about the moment when Suzee would be caught out, when Suzee was forced to admit to the rest of the crew that she still existed.

Some how seeing Suzee's face briefly crumble wasn't as sweet as she imagined.

Catalina nodded briefly.

"She isn't saying anything about you Harlan" Suzee retorted scathingly and Catalina sighed.

The thing about Yenslid's she realised was they weren't defined by their intelligence.

They were defined by their insecurities.

If Catalina had spent her entire life practically alone, only to have the few friends she'd made being taken away by the one person she thought she could trust, well she'd be a bitch as well.

In the end she and Suzee were more alike then people thought.

"Are you mad?" Suzee whispered her voice barely a breath as Catalina settled in bed for the night.

Suzee was alone in the rec room her eyes fixated on the minbar chess set.

"No I'm not, I understand" Catalina admitted.

"Liar"

"Well yeah I was mad at first, you kissed the guy I had a crush on but to be fair I haven't seen him in a really long time, and it's not like we were getting married or anything" Catalina admitted.

"You've changed, you never used to be this rationale"

"Maybe this is the change my mother was talking about" Catalina whispered.

"No it's not biological Cat, it's something in the you I see, it's different, I can't explain it exactly though and that in turn is pretty frustrating" Suzee replied.

"Maybe but you've changed as well" Catalina admitted.

"Hmm?"

"The old Suzee would never have apologised for kissing Harlan" Catalina pointed out.

"I guess that's true" Suzee said as Catalina yawned with exhaustion, causing the bed to rattle.

"The change has been happening for awhile you know, ever since you met that old knight guy," Suzee added as Catalina shut her eyes.

"Hmm" she muttered sleeping.

"Cat?"

"I'm trying to sleep"

"I'll stay away from him"

"I told you I don't care" Catalina whispered.

"I know but even still, I'll stay away I mean I like some one else" Suzee admitted reluctantly but it was too late, Catalina had fallen asleep.

That night Catalina dreamt for the first time on Yenslid.

She dreamt of blind men, stars falling, Suzee dying and a cat like creature moving in the shadows.

When she awoke Suzee had already fallen asleep and she smiled to herself settling deeper within the blankets.

It didn't matter about boys when it came to her friends that were something she had just learnt.

She stared at the ceiling waiting for Suzee to wake up so she could ask the girl who exactly she liked and teas her mirthlessly about it.

It was what best friends did after all.


End file.
